brodius257

Learning to draw all over again. Fuck you, Photoshop. (You know I love you.)

That's pretty much the sound that came out of my new box after having installed a fan I purchased a while ago. Keep in mind, said fan was probably not meant for small personal computers, but it was cheap and I figured I'd give it a whirl. OM MY GOODNESS. You would have thought I was running a wind tunnel in this room. This sucker is loud. I used to think complaints about fan noise I saw in hardware reviews were silly. "How loud could they possibly be?" I now understand. So, as with SO many projects, this is a continuing one. Newegg is my friend!

Amazingly, my LittleFace will have been here on this planet 1 year tomorrow. It is cliche, but time certainly does fly...

Life ain't so bad I suppose. I still DESPERATELY need some real employment. While I AM grateful for C's having me work for him under the table, I am in no position to be financially independent.

My parents are wonderful people.

My baby is lovely.

My brain almost fried earlier today working on my project. I suppose it's my fault for trying to do things the hard way:D

Babies having fevers is so not cool.

Trying to install Apache and PHP and I am fucking LOST!

FUCK NO! Between the awesome weekend I had with family and friends and the last day and a half of debauchery...I simply can not complain about a fucking thing this birthday! Well, ok, except maybe the minor hangover I am still nursing, lol!

Transformers 2: ROTF, is going to be fucking awesome. Okay, I'm done...

I hate it when my body says I should be somewhere, but my mind has all these rules and shit that override it's motives and motivation!

Theme change! I haven't played with that in a while. It'll probably change some more before I settle down.

I think I'm a good father. I love my baby. I bathe her, feed her, play with her. I change those abominable diapers of hers, lol. I love it that she laughs so much when her diapers are changed. "This one's for you, Daddy!" We sit and watch that damnable tube sometimes, or I'll put in one of her DVD's...But I try to keep the digital inputs to a minimum, mostly because I think it rots your brain. But she loves to look at it so I do it. I take her for walks. She loves being outside. And just within a couple of blocks from the house we've discovered things together. I like that. I love my daughter.

I hate bitching about my life. I feel like such a whiny little ass. But, I think I need to in this case because these negative feelings and thoughts keep milling about in my head.

I am not in love with Wynter's mother. I have no intention of having any relationship with her beyond what is appropriate and necessary as two parents who are not romantically involved. At this point, I hate to even say it, I don't like her much at all. There's a matter of laziness and not being motivated to improve her financial situation for Wynter's sake if not her own. Opportunity is knocking on her door, she just refuses to answer.

Apparently I don't have my priorities straight, according to some people. Despite the fact that I spend so much time each day with my daughter, and despite the fact that pretty much everything is done for her now, my priorities aren't straight. Why, because if I don't have to work the next morning, and Wynter's mother is home with her, I usually go out. "Going out" usually includes hitting a least two bars in Redlands. It may include random adventures outside of Redlands if I've met interesting, friendly people who like my company.

Whether I come home at midnight or 3am, if Wynter needs to be fed or otherwise attended to, I do it. I don't just come home and pass out and leave everything to her mother.

I guess it pisses me off that I can have a full day of responsibility and joy with my daughter and because I decide to spend a couple/few hours to myself, somehow it's negated.

But, I'm pretty sure I'm a good dad, because I want to be. I don't know everything, and half the time I worry that I'm not doing something right. But thoughts like that keep me grounded and open to ideas other than my own on parenting.

I be a sore body...Baths are nice:D

Sometimes life ain't so bad:D

I love my LittleFace!

I am not sure I will be able to sleep tonight:D

Was today good? Parts of it were good for sure...

My last day of school for my BS was July 31st of this year. Less than two weeks later on August 8th I lost my job. Septmeber 23rd my baby girl was born. I love her little face! After working for a law firm for 20 years, my mother lost her job. The firm, at 118 years old, dissolved into nothingness. Luckily she was able to find another job fairly quickly. On October 4th, I took the CBEST, and passed. That test is so ridiculously easy, it was almost insulting.

I had been working with my baby's grandfather (her mother's father) for the last couple of months making very little money, but it was something so I stuck with it. For the last two weeks I've been installing windows making more money than I ever anticipated making anytime soon. Hopefully this will keep me running until I decide to apply as a substitute teacher with a school district within a reasonable driving distance. If it keeps going the way it is, I could end up doing the window thing for quite a while. I seem to be doing a good job.

I like when things turnaround. For the time being they have. Did I mention that I love my Wynter's adorable little face?

EDIT: I just realized that the only negative goings on above were the losing of the jobs. I would say that FINALLY getting my degree and having my "little face" are achievements hard to top. I think my dour mood stems from other factors I'm not necessarily ready to discuss online.

Her name is Wynter Rose...we hyphenated our last names for the sake of...whatever:)