- Am I?
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brodius257
- March 3rd, 13:15
I think I'm a good father. I love my baby. I bathe her, feed her, play with her. I change those abominable diapers of hers, lol. I love it that she laughs so much when her diapers are changed. "This one's for you, Daddy!" We sit and watch that damnable tube sometimes, or I'll put in one of her DVD's...But I try to keep the digital inputs to a minimum, mostly because I think it rots your brain. But she loves to look at it so I do it. I take her for walks. She loves being outside. And just within a couple of blocks from the house we've discovered things together. I like that. I love my daughter.
I hate bitching about my life. I feel like such a whiny little ass. But, I think I need to in this case because these negative feelings and thoughts keep milling about in my head.
I am not in love with Wynter's mother. I have no intention of having any relationship with her beyond what is appropriate and necessary as two parents who are not romantically involved. At this point, I hate to even say it, I don't like her much at all. There's a matter of laziness and not being motivated to improve her financial situation for Wynter's sake if not her own. Opportunity is knocking on her door, she just refuses to answer.
Apparently I don't have my priorities straight, according to some people. Despite the fact that I spend so much time each day with my daughter, and despite the fact that pretty much everything is done for her now, my priorities aren't straight. Why, because if I don't have to work the next morning, and Wynter's mother is home with her, I usually go out. "Going out" usually includes hitting a least two bars in Redlands. It may include random adventures outside of Redlands if I've met interesting, friendly people who like my company.
Whether I come home at midnight or 3am, if Wynter needs to be fed or otherwise attended to, I do it. I don't just come home and pass out and leave everything to her mother.
I guess it pisses me off that I can have a full day of responsibility and joy with my daughter and because I decide to spend a couple/few hours to myself, somehow it's negated.
But, I'm pretty sure I'm a good dad, because I want to be. I don't know everything, and half the time I worry that I'm not doing something right. But thoughts like that keep me grounded and open to ideas other than my own on parenting.